For many children, the divorce of their parents is the first traumatic experience they ever have. Their stable home life disappears in an instant, and they are left trying to rebuild their lives and sense of self.
Many parents worry about filing for divorce specifically because they do not want to cause distress for their children. In some cases, parents may go so far as to remain in truly unhappy and potentially dysfunctional marriages just to avoid the difficulties of divorce. That approach can be relatively harmful, as children are often aware of tension between their parents.
Thankfully, it is possible to divorce while minimizing the negative impact on minor children. What steps can parents take to protect their children during a divorce?
1. Prioritize consistency
From the very first day that the children learn about the divorce, they need to know what to expect. The best-case scenario is often parents working cooperatively to break the news to their children and to enforce the same standards and schedules at both houses. When daily life and parental expectations are consistent at both households, children may have a much easier time adjusting.
2. Minimize conflict
Divorce inevitably involves a degree of dispute. Intense emotions can make it difficult for people to stay calm and rational while discussing a divorce with one another. However, the more conflict there is, the more damaging the divorce may be for the children. Parents should avoid discussing their marriage or their divorce in front of their children. In fact, they may want to avoid even talking about it with others or on the phone while their children are nearby. Keeping conflict out of the home and away from the children can make it easier for the children to adjust.
3. Set terms outside of court
Sometimes, a judge’s intervention is truly necessary to settle property division and custody matters. Most of the time, couples can reach their own settlements if they focus on cooperation instead of fighting. In cases where parents litigate their custody disagreements, their children may end up in the middle of the dispute. Older children may have to express their preferences regarding custody matters to the judge hearing the case. Any time that children feel pushed to choose between their parents, the situation can cause real emotional and social damage.
Parents trying to keep the peace during divorce often need insight into their rights and into the various ways to manage divorce negotiations other than litigating. Partnering with an experienced family law attorney to address divorce and child custody matters can help parents keep the focus on their children and minimize the negative impact that divorce may otherwise have.
